… that's how most people propose marriage, but not Tom Glaser. In fact, forget the flowers and romantic gestures altogether - he never even formally asked me to marry him. He never "popped the question" at all. Still, we'll be celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary this November. So, how did we end up here? It's kind of a funny story.
We had only been dating for a few months, and although it was yet unspoken, we both knew where this relationship was heading. Just five months in, Tom suggested a trip to the mall, which wasn't unusual – we went there a lot back then. But this time was different. After a few stops at JC Penney and the food court, he casually led me into a jewelry store.
Cue the increased heart rate.
While there, he calmly guided me to the engagement rings and asked me which ones I liked. Now my heart was beating even faster, and I could feel the heat rising from my chest to my face. I pointed to a few that caught my eye, and the jeweler slipped one onto my finger. "Do you like it?" Tom asked. Did I LIKE it?! That thing was sparkling like Alpha Centauri under those special jewelry store lights. And even though my ears were on fire now and my throat was dry, I managed a halting and slightly confused "Um…yes? It's beautiful…"
"Great!" Tom said. He then proceeded to have them size my finger and order the ring - all while I was just standing there in a sort of frozen reality. Then he grabbed my hand and headed for the exit. I was a half-step behind him, my jaw slightly gaping, just staring wide-eyed at his normal "like nothing had just happened," calm and collected profile. He eventually noticed my lagging behind and staring, and he stopped to look at me. I waited for him to say something. Anything.
"What?"
That's what he said – "What?"
And I thought, well – I don't know – maybe you could tell me what just happened here! But that's not what came out of my mouth. Instead, I choked out the words while gesturing back and forth between us, "So… are we…getting….married?" "It looks that way!" he said with a smile, then threw his arm around me and kept walking – almost pulling me along now while I just kept staring up at his still completely calm, happy face. I was such a mixture of elated confusion at that point that I didn't even ask any questions.
We left the mall and drove straight to his parents' house. Only his mother was home, but she could tell by how I looked that something was up. "What?" she said. (I'm noticing a familial pattern here.) And I replied, "Well – I think we're getting married!" Congratulatory hugs and lots of joy ensued as we continued to visit other family members and let them in on our good news. And when the dust had settled, the ring arrived, a date was set, and it was all official, I finally asked Tom the million-dollar burning question that had been on my mind; "So, why didn't you ASK me to marry you?" “Because,” he replied without hesitation and a ‘wasn’t it obvious?’ look - “I wasn’t about to give you the chance to say no!" Gotta respect a man who knows what he wants, right?
Now – at this point, I can imagine that some of you – ladies especially - may not be a fan of how this all went down. But, in Tom’s defense, two people in matching outfits and full hair and makeup standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon at sunset with the girl acting surprised while the guy gets on his knee and a professional film crew captures the moment wasn't how it was done back in the day.
I had no illusions of grandeur, but I did always assume that the person who ended up wanting to marry me would at least check to see what I thought of the idea. As it turns out, I was all for it - big time – and Tom definitely knew it. But I joke that he owes me a real proposal someday before we die. And this time, he can rest assured that my answer couldn't possibly be "no," and I wouldn't even require him to get down on one knee because, at this stage of the game, popping the question could also mean popping a meniscus.
In reality, Tom's non-proposal proposal was the beginning of us doing pretty much nothing the traditional way. We are the most unlikely pair of opposites, but somehow, we fit together and began building this fantastic mystery puzzle over time - piece by unconventional, sometimes awkward, and stubborn piece. And here we still are - by my calculations, a little more than 3/4 of the way done - and the picture that’s emerging just keeps getting prettier. I have never been a puzzle lover, but I would happily build this life with him all over again.
So, thanks for not asking me to marry you, Tom Glaser. Including the births of our four children, that weird surprise trip to the mall ranks in the top 5 absolute best and most monumental moments of my life. And if you ever feel like casually slipping into a jewelry store with me again someday, just know that I'm fully prepared for it this time.