Feb. 4, 2020
"Nice Axx." That was the text I got from my husband of 35 years this morning with a picture he took of me from behind while I was aiming for a bullseye at Lumberjaxes last Saturday night. Nice. Axx.
I've heard it said that "love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener." And listen, I apologize in advance to my sons who may read this, but this needs to be said: Married people, be intentional, and work very hard all of the days of your married life at staying "active" - and blind. Not dishonest, not in denial, not unaware of reality, just blind to the inevitable imperfections in your spouse.
Tom Glaser is not perfect, but one thing that he has done perfectly all of our married life is intentionally choose me. Pregnant me. Overweight me. Morning breath me. PMS me. Stressed out young mom of 4 boys me. Menopausal me. Aging me. Right along with the sometimes delightful me, he has never faltered at communicating his acceptance of and desire for whatever me he wakes up to that day, that month, or that year. I have known since the day we said "I do," that he meant it.
If it is verifiable and repeatable, it is most likely true. Isn't that the scientific formula? While "Nice Axx" might not seem "true" to me, that's only because I tend to judge myself according to what the world deems beautiful. I know exactly what I look like from every angle, and so does he, but Tom's actions are nothing if not verifiable and repeatable. This morning's text was one of many that remind me regularly that he has chosen to be willingly and intentionally blind.
Married people, you've chosen one option for true love and intimacy for the rest of your life. If you want it to work, there's no time for games, no room for disrespect, and zero space for "what about me?" It's "what about us" now. Be willing to forego perfection, show grace, and actively choose not only to be satisfied but delighted with your significant other. Practice being grateful for what your spouse is, instead of salty about what they are not. Because let's face it, you're not all that either. No one is. Do these things, and the results will almost always be more joy in your relationship, more peace in your home, and a much better chance of reaping the incredible rewards that come with growing old together.
While Tom daily chooses selective blindness, what he always sees with crystal clear 20/20 vision is the end game, and he acts accordingly. Smart man.
So, have you told your significant other "Nice Axx" lately? Just sayin' - maybe you should. Who knows where it might lead...