"I think it's time," said the vet through her colorful puppy themed mask, "she's suffering, and I'm sorry to say that we can't fix this."
An aggressive form of skin cancer had started small in our beloved 13-year-old mixed mutt and presented as something different and manageable at first. But multiple rounds of antibiotics, steroids, and a new diet were failing, and it quickly became apparent that we were shooting a squirt gun at a fighter jet. Something else was happening, and it was happening fast. The surprising downward spiral plunged her into a state of rapid decline, continual pain, and increased struggle. Seemingly overnight.
Sidney (full name Sidney Crosby Glaser - which is what happens when you live in a house full of men), had finally come up against something that she couldn't beat.
"I think it's time."
That tiny 4-word statement crashed into my chest with the force of a freight train. My mind started racing... she seemed OK just days ago... it had all happened so fast... and suddenly, just like that, it's time? Time for what? To come home to silence. To relearn everyday life without her. To walk alone. To let her go.
I wasn't ready. Time doesn't care much about that, though. To be fair, I would never have been ready. Sidney was my girl. My faithful, loyal, loving, always there, beautiful girl. But, although her spirit never would, her body had given out, and she was ready.
So it was time.
Our journey started on December 6, 2007, when she was a tiny, scared 8-week old puppy crying almost all the way from the West Virginia foster center where I adopted her. When we were about 30 minutes from home, I stopped the car and took her out of the crate to try and comfort her. She scurried up my chest as far as she could and curled into a little ball with her face snuggled up under my chin. The crying immediately stopped, my heart instantly melted, and our inseparable bond began.
Today, our journey ended with my face buried in the soft fur of her neck as she peacefully slipped from her pain. And it was my turn to cry - all the way home, and then some.
My heart will come back together, but in a different shape, I'm sure, and with a piece missing. But I gladly exchange that real estate for the joy of having known this extraordinary animal. She was unconditional love wrapped in a 50-pound package of pure intentions and wide open exuberance. Her people were her life, and love was her only job.
Thank you, Sidney Crosby Glaser, for giving your whole heart and soul to me. I loved you back with all of mine. You made all of our lives better, and we will never forget you.
You truly were the best girl.