ROLL WITH THE CHANGES

Oct. 21, 2015

He was just a few days shy of 5 years old and so eager to start his first day of Kindergarten. I didn’t even have to wake him, he just appeared in the kitchen an hour before it was time. Adam had quietly gotten out of bed and dressed himself - all the way down to his older brother’s too-big tie carefully clipped to the cockeyed collar of his short-sleeved dress shirt. It was clear that he had worked very hard at pulling it all together. And as he stood there, so excited for this new adventure I thought to myself, “He is so ready! And he is so not ready!”

Monday morning at 4 am we packed the car, drove to the airport and dropped my now 25 year old son off just in time to catch the first of 3 flights that would ultimately land him in Hawaii. He was going there not to visit, but to live. Leaving this continent to fly half way around the world – and stay there indefinitely. 

As he stood at the curb gathering his things (just 2 beat up suitcases, a backpack, a duct taped guitar case and some change in his pocket) it was hard for me to not imagine him as that small child in the kitchen so many years ago; barely pulled together but so excited for the journey. I fought the urge to “re-button his shirt and straighten his tie” as I thought to myself, “He is so ready! And he is so not ready!”

That’s a mother’s default, isn’t it? At every milestone we find ourselves flipping through the baby books – going straight back to when we held them close and kept them safe. Back to when their world revolved around us and vice versa. No matter how old they get we will always have that “I gave birth to you and it’s my job to protect you” thing. That feeling just never leaves, but children do. And that’s what they’re supposed to do.  And that’s what we raise them to do. Independence is the goal.

So, as much as I would have loved it if Adam had stayed close, I also love it that he chose to do something daring, bold and independent. He was always the fearless one.

I blinked, and my gorgeous, tow-headed adoring little boy with the crystal blue eyes grew up into a strikingly handsome young man and took a plane around the world. And maybe he wasn’t completely ready and maybe neither was I, but that’s OK. Life comes at us with lightning speed anyway, and moving with it and trying to keep up can be the most exciting and rewarding experience if we’ll let it.

After the sun had come up on his first full day in Hawaii I gave Adam a call. As he was trying to find the words to describe the incredible beauty surrounding him - just how different and how amazing this new world was - there I was again... back in my old, country blue kitchen with a plate of cookies and a glass of milk on the table, listening to my almost 5 year old son breathlessly tell me all about his first day of kindergarten.

This Mom thing is pretty tricky. The job doesn’t end, the roles just keep changing without any warning at all. And I smile as I am reminded of one of my favorite old songs from the 70’s.

I just continue to roll with the changes.